Yesterday I began a two-part post on how to leave a church well. As I have stated this week, there are proper reasons to leave one church to go to another. Yet, how you leave will determine whether you leave in a way that honors God just as much as it honors God to follow His leading to a new place of worship and service.
The following continues the article I pirated years ago from a seminary professor. It was written by Richard C. Nichol. The first section was in yesterday's post. Copy and paste them together and you have something to hand out to folks who desperately need instruction on how to leave well.
THE ISSUE IS SIMPLY HOW TO CHOOSE TO LEAVE. THE PURPOSE OF THIS PAMPHLET IS TO HELP YOU
LEAVE PROPERLY BECAUSE IF YOU DON’T, MUCH HARM CAN RESULT.
WHO GETS HURT WHEN YOU LEAVE WRONGLY?
1.
Leaving your congregation in the wrong way leaves
people who remain holding “the emotional bag.”
They have loved you and prayed for you.
Your absence leaves them feeling abandoned and hurt. This can be avoided by leaving the right way.
2.
Leaving the wrong way can leave the jobs or ministries
in which you were involved left undone.
God’s work can suffer because of your haste to get out.
3.
Particularly if you had relationships with the children
of the congregation, they can be hurt by your leaving wrongly because they just
don’t understand why you had to go.
4.
If you leave wrongly, valuable insights for the
congregation may be lost because you may have not personally, clearly, and
completely discussed areas of your concern with the leaders of the
congregation.
5.
Your future relationships may be damaged because people
who don’t “say goodbye” well often are not willing or able to “say hello” well
in another congregation. This can result
in your endlessly switching congregational homes without ever really getting
close to one group of people. Great
loneliness is usually the end result of such an approach to life.
6.
Leaving wrongly usually precludes the possibility for
the congregation to say thank you to you for your months or years of
service. Proper closures on
relationships (called rites of passage) are vital for all concerned.
7.
Leaving wrongly makes it much more difficult to return
in the future. Yet, after visiting other
places to worship, you may find that your original congregation was the best
for you after all. You may want to
return.
The better way is to
take the time to work through problems so it may not be necessary to
leave. But, if leaving is inevitable, do
it while following these important principles.
BEFORE CONSIDERING LEAVING HAVE YOU FOLLOWED THROUGH WITH
THESE PRINCIPLES?
1.
Are you letting frustrations build? The right thing to
do is to talk them over with the Pastor and other leaders early on. Most problems in a congregation are the
result of miscommunication or misunderstandings. These should and must be worked through. What did Jesus say? “Blessed are the peacemakers because they
will be called the children of God.” In
the case of serious problems, these must be talked through early on as
well. Often, the motivation to leave can
evaporate as good-willed people work through the issues, which trouble them.
2.
Be realistic. No
congregation is perfect. Before leaving,
face squarely the fact that almost any group may look “perfect” or “fantastic”
at first. The early days are usually
easy. People’s faults only become
apparent over time. But, covenant
relationships (the kind the Scriptures demand of us) require us to love others
despite their imperfections as they are to love us despite ours. And having realistic expectations can help us
love and be loved.
3.
Don’t just drop the ball. If you promised to teach Sunday School for a
semester, fulfill your commitment. Or,
if this is absolutely not possible, exert your best efforts to help the
Director find a replacement for you. If
you have other responsibilities in the congregation, work with the leadership
to see to it that a smooth transition can occur. You may need to do some training to help your
replacement get started. This is right
in God’s sight. Why should his work
suffer so you can leave a few weeks earlier?
4.
Say good-bye.
Call the people you have been friends with in the congregation and share
our plans with them. Don’t justify your
leaving at the congregation’s expense. Don’t indulge in “an evil tongue,” that
is blasting leaders and others in the congregation. Just share your intentions in a truthful way,
endeavoring to “maintain the bond of peace” in the congregation. And if you desire for personal relationships
to continue, tell your friends this is your desire.
5.
Let the children you have related to know in as
positive, optimistic way as possible.
The pain caused here is usually far less intense than the feeling of
just not knowing what has become of you if you don’t say goodbye warmly.
6.
Join another congregation as soon as possible. This is God’s will for all believers in Jesus
because true faith is never only a private affair (Hebrews 10:25). How easy it is to give into the impulse of
just leaving without adequate preparation!
But the poor fruit of hurt feelings, frustration, anger, and burned
bridges make this a poor choice.
The better way, the godly way is to take the time to work through
problems so it may not be necessary to leave. But, if leaving is inevitable,
take the time and make the effort to follow the above steps. After all, we really do all belong to one
another if we name the name of Jesus Christ.
The world is filled with pain born of misunderstandings,
loneliness, and anger. Jesus will one
day banish all these from the earth. But
in the meantime, we can lessen these slightly but meaningfully and replace them
with understanding, deference, kindness, good will, love, graciousness, and
peace by leaving our congregational homes when we must in the right way. Should you ever choose to leave the
congregation of which you are part, will you do if the right way?
No comments:
Post a Comment