This morning I have another article to write, children in the house for Thanksgiving break, and parent-teacher conferences in two short hours. Needless to say, I do not have time for an original thought! In place of originality, I offer an important, though under-read, post from the past. You might not agree with me, but I ask you to offer in the comments the basis for your disagreement so we can grow together in grace.
Today we will explore the often lost concept of what it means to be a man. I find our contemporary answers to this question are often demeaning and sexist. Of course, such a statement in and of itself is worthy of argument because, as much of our political discussion dictates, attacks against the dominate social group cannot be racist, sexist, or wrong. I look forward to the day when we can get beyond such crazy double-standards so we can again have real discussions!
Anyway, here are my thoughts concerning manhood and our confusion about the topic. Let me know what you think!
"Brace yourself up like a man and I will question you,
and you will make it known to me."
The Lord speaking to Job
Job 40: 7
I believe in today's Western culture, particularly for those under age 40, there is no more confusing passage in all of scripture than this one! "Brace yourself up like a man?" What in the world does this mean?
I believe there has been a concentrated and pernicious attack on men and young boys for the past forty years. With the rise of the Feminist movement, came a prolonged attack on boys and men. I could go into the many, many statistics to back this up, but defending this claim is not the aim of this post. All I will say is that much like our modern political debate, instead of positively stating why women are different, special, and so needed in every realm of life, we were told why men were enslavers, manipulative, and content to keep women down.
The result? We have leveled all of society as best as we can so as to diminish differences between men and women. Want strange proof? Just this week I was reading that our new aircraft carriers will no longer have urinals in the men's bathrooms. This follows a worldwide trend. I know several years ago a Scandinavian country tried to outlaw men urinating while standing since it was a means of showing dominance over women!
What has been our message? Boys and men, stop acting so "manly"! Be calm, civilized, stop fidgeting, and stop acting like there is a difference between men and women. We have disparaged being "macho" to the point where we have huge confusion over how a man should act, think, and be in society.
I believe we have done so to a great peril to individual men and women, the Church, and our society as a whole. I know I have spent way too much time working with young men (and some not so young) encouraging them to act like a man. I have found so much confusion among young men as to who they should be, how they should act, and what they should do. For the past twenty years at least:
Thoughtful men do not wish to be a "chauvinist pig" so they become passive around women;
Many young men struggle with their "failure to launch" so they retreat to video games, extreme sports, and they settle for part-time jobs to pay for their pleasures while they depend upon others to provide for their daily needs;
We have so emphasized our need for egalitarian relationships that men get married, but do not know how to lead a family, a Church, or a business. Instead, they differ leadership decisions to "consensus" decisions. Such a lack of leadership often leads to resentment, anger and broken relationships with spouses, significant others, and in all of life;
Finally, there appears to be a true lack of understanding that delayed gratification is necessary for maturity and true manhood. If our reward is not immediate, it is not coming. Thus our relationships, business and career decisions, life decisions, and all choices are based on our need for immediate reward. We seem to have lost the will to live in light of next year, let alone eternity!
So what does it mean to be a man? Our culture is so confused! So are many in the Church. What does the Bible have to say about it? What does it mean to "brace yourself up like a man"?
I just read a great article in the summer 2002 Leadership magazine that I think gives some insight. I like this following quote from Robert Lewis because it states positively what it means to be a man. How I want my boys to hear this message!
What is your definition of manhood?
We compared the first Adam with the last Adam, Christ, and we found four differences. They are our four foundations stones for authentic manhood.
A real man is one who rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously, and expects the greater reward, God's reward.
What do you think of this definition? Is it helpful? How do we incorporate this understanding into our lives? Into the life of our family?
The first place to start is always in repentance and faith. If this makes you angry since I must be a "chauvinist pig" for saying it, repent and believe! I am an imperfect person and often shallow thinker, what do you have that is better? Share it with us!
If you find that you have not lived as a man, repent and believe. Confess to God, to others, and to yourself that you fall short. Ask Jesus to help you live an authentic life. Also, share this idea with others. Perhaps others share your frustrations! Let us press on to know Jesus and what He has for us.
Thank you so much for acknowledging this important message to the men and women in our churches today. Men and women certainly have been created differently and the more ok we are with that the better His church will move forward in the mission we have been given. There are movements out there to call men back to their important role as Godly men... but it unfortunately seems like we are reluctant to acknowledge the need for it and challenge and encourage our me to be men!! Pastor Todd Wessels
ReplyDelete“You can't fight a battle you don't think exists.”
ReplyDelete― John Eldredge, Wild at Heart: Discovering the Secret of a Man's Soul
This post resonated. Deeply.
More and more the idea of married co-pastors is promoted as a positive movement forward in the church. This egalitarian idea is destroying our men, killing our churches, and hardening our women. Trouble is, the men are frequently all in with this idea.
As much as I love men and need them for my spiritual leadership, I’ve come to believe that almost any man will pimp out his woman for anything he doesn’t necessarily want to do, pretending (or worse believing) that he is giving her the opportunity to “exercise her gifting”. Women in combat? You bet. Women in the pulpit? You bet. Women as the head of the household? You bet. You are woman, so roar.**
“A real man is one who rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously, and expects the greater reward, God's reward.”
Excellent definition of a godly man.
I just finished reading Dr. Larry Crabb’s book Men of Courage, God’s Call to Move Beyond the Silence of Adam. The entire book is helpful to me as a woman looking to edify the men in her life (and not really knowing how to do that). An excerpt from the book:
“If men today are willing to look into darkness, to remember God, and then to speak words that bring life to others, if they are willing to walk the steep, narrow, long path toward true masculinity, then perhaps our children will enter their adult years blessed with an older generation of mentors, men who father well as they walk with their brothers toward home.” p. 166
John Eldredge’s work Wild At Heart, if read exclusive from his other work, is a terrific guide to godly masculinity for both mean and women. A few quotes from that book that I’ve found helpful:
“Deep in his heart, every man longs for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue.”
“Truth be told, most of us are faking our way through life [Eldredge talking to men]. We pick only those battles we are sure to win, only those adventures we are sure to handle, only those beauties we are sure to rescue.”
Finally, a quote from Dr. Crabb on what we need from men:
“… to stare into the darkness of a life that makes no sense and, in that darkness, to move with joy.”
Nobody said it was easy. Nobody said you were to do it alone. This is really important, guys.
**For those of you who weren’t old enough to care in 1975, the “roar” reference comes from a vile song by Helen Reddy called “I Am Woman,” the first line of which wailed “I am woman, hear me roar…” The song could be the sound track for everything that was wrong with the ‘70s.
Kathy this is the most thoughtful and helpful comment you have made on my blog. I thank you so much for the thoughts.
ReplyDelete