Remix: Discipleship, Counseling, and the Pastoral Calling

It is Christmas week.  Yea!

It is also almost the end of the year.  Thus, I will be posting my "greatest hits" from the past year.  This has not been a great year for my blogging.  For a number of reasons, it was just not safe or right for me to write.  Thankfully, 2015 will not be marked by these restrictions.  

This post was from January of 2014.  In fact, most of my "greatest hits" for the year were from January.  This was the fifth most popular post from the past year.

In our hyper therapeutic milieu, people want professionals to do something to them to make them feel better.  Living through life, meeting the demands of following Jesus, living under the lordship of of holy God doesn't appeal to the general public these days.  The majority of Americans will tell any pollster that they believe in the Ten Commandments.  But only a small percentage of those people could even recite the Ten Commandments, and even a smaller percentage have any genuine interest in following them.

For me, trying to be a counselor is a shortcut.  It is pandering to my people's desires to have me do something to them rather than admonish them to live through the thick forest of their lives by following Christ in discipleship.

Since I do discipleship instead of counseling, I find I have a fair amount of free time on my hands, time I can spend praying.

David Hansen, The Art of Pastoring: Ministry without all the Answers, 72.

As a Christian leader, I am called to come alongside people to help them grow back toward an intimate and perfect relationship with God.  The closer I can get them to this place, the better a job I have done.  Of course, I cannot do any of it without the grace and mercy of the Lord.  Yet, I am called to be a herald that points people to a life of repentance and faith in Jesus.

That being said, I agree with Hansen that when I engage in "counseling" I am selling my life, calling, and job short.

Why?

I think it has to do with more with false expectations than there being something wrong with professional counseling.  My purpose is not to put down professional counseling.  I know and believe that professional counseling has an important place in the Kingdom.  Professional counselors help folks identify and break the stranglehold of the past.

The human mind and heart is like a finely tuned instrument.  At times and in certain people, the tuning has been damaged by others or by something dramatic in the past.  This damage works out in ungodly thoughts, actions, habits, and personalities.  It can also cause very real physical damage to the pathways of the brain.  Thus, there are valid counseling techniques and procedures that can help identity and sometimes fix the mistuned instrument.  I am thankful for folks trained in these specialties.

Yet, I must admit that I am not a professional counselor.   I am not called nor qualified to engage in such a ministry.  As a pastor, when I sense someone needs professional help beyond may calling in the gospel, I refer them immediately.

So, why do I think counseling is deadly to the pastoral office and calling?  I believe much of the problem is cultural.  In the West, we want to be fixed.  Some folks are too cheap to go to a professional counselor, so they figure they will hit up the pastor because pastors are free.

For many pastors, being needed in this way makes them feel important.  It becomes their identity.  It is the stamp of approval for ministry.  I believe such thinking is wrongheaded.

Please understand it is not because our message lacks power.  The great irony is that pastors have much to offer folks.  We have the truth found in the gospel, and we have the Holy Spirit who can transform hearts and minds.  Yet, when folks come to be fixed by pastoral counseling, they often want a tip, technique, or advice instead of the repentance and faith found in the gospel.  

In other words, Hansen is completely right that in our hyper therapeutic setting, most people want to feel better, and they want me/pastors to do it to them (perhaps magically?), instead of wanting intimacy with God that comes from honest repentance and faith.

What is my task?

I am called to remind folks that they are not God.  There is only one God in the universe and He should receive the glory in our lives, in the Church, and in the world.

What does this mean?

God's purpose is not our direct and immediate happiness.  God's purpose is that we might come to know Him and enjoy Him forever.  Much of the time, particularly in immature believers, a person's direct happiness and the will of God are not the same.  Our greatest need runs so contrary to what we think will bring happiness.  It feels like death when we confess and declare our need to repent of telling God, "My will be done."  While true life is found in the pathway of discipleship that declares to self and God "Thy will be done," it is often not something that brings an immature believer immediate "happiness."

The great irony is that the path of true discipleship does bring deep-seated joy and  transformation.  It is the key to authentic living.  Yet, few really want to hear it.  Why?  True discipleship also confesses there will be- no there must be- pain and difficulty in our life in this fallen world.  Honestly, who wants to hear such talk?

As a pastor or ministry leader, when I become more concerned with making someone happy than in encouraging them to grow in repentance and faith, I am selling out my calling.  Much of what passes for pastoral counseling fails because the expectation of the relationship is one of "fixing" and "bring happiness" in the midst of distress.

I think most in the churches I have served know this about me.  Thus, those who want to walk with God are attracted while those who wish "happiness" leave me alone.  Unfortunately (or fortunately?), like Hansen states, this leaves me with much time to pray.

"Forgive and Forget" Deficiencies

Every author writes in the crucible of the culture.  We are never free from the influence of our culture- reacting as defenders of the old convictions and naysayers of current trends, or just the opposite.  I am no different.  I do not believe forgiveness involves forgetting the past and ignoring the damage of past or present harm.  To do so, even if it were possible, would be tantamount to erasing one's personal history and the work of God in the midst of our journey.  The only way for the "forgive-and-forget mentality" to be practiced is through radical denial, deception, or pretense.

Many raised on the familiar chant, "forgive and forget," may already question this book's viability.  I can only hope the reader will read further before labeling the book as heretical.  The "forgive and forget" approach has included some important truths about forgiveness that should not, like the clean baby, be thrown out with dirty bath water.  From this approach, we must learn the importance of radically putting aside the right to use the past harm to justify present sin.  But we must not pretend that past harm never happened.  I believe the past can be remembered for the well-being of the abuser.  Facing the damage of the past can bring good into the present day relationship with the one who perpetrated significant harm.

Dan Allender, Bold Love, 16.

Life has been a wild ride for the past month or so.  After a nine month struggle with her health, my mother was finally diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer.  About 10 days ago, I was blessed to go visit her for a week.  I was shocked to see how much weight she had lost.  Yet, her positive attitude and "can-do" nature remains.  Then, I returned home to Easter preparation.  

All of this means, no time to write!  My emotions have also been on edge, so I don't feel like I have had the emotional strength to do much writing.

I am so thankful that while I did not write much, I sure did read many pages.  It is amazing how being away from the noise of my household allowed me the space (and quiet) to enjoy reading.  I hope to share some of the pregnant passages I am still processing.

The first comes from an older book by Dan Allender called Bold Love.  I absolutely loved this book!  Why?  Because I agreed with Allender on his definition of love and what it should look like in practice.  I strongly recommend this book.

I wonder if Allender influenced my thinking directly over 20 years ago?  I ran the sound for all the Christian speakers who came to Gordon-Conwell.  Allender was one of those speakers.  In fact, I remember that he treated me better than most of the "Christian stars" that I met.  I remember enjoying his talks and talking with my wife about them.

I think in our world today we have such a misguided and shallow understanding of love.  Allender agrees.

As I see it, love is active in that it seeks the best for the other.  It actively seeks to bring the gospel to bear in the life of everyone involved in a situation.

I know all too often, I would prefer to call it love when I avoid difficult people or conversations.  I would prefer to call it love when I vent my feelings.  I don't really want to go the extra mile to apply the gospel of truth and grace to difficult people or situations.

I think the "forgive and forget" mentality goes right along with my natural tendencies to avoid healthy and needed conflict.  Somehow I think it would be easier and better if I just moved on.

Yet, when real abuse occurs (not just minor irritation), forgive and forget is not love.  It is avoidance.  As such, it misses the mark of God's call, which means it is sin.

So what does Bold Love do?

I think first, one must be honest with God and talk with Him about what happened.  So often dealing with abuse and hurt is not done from the perspective of a relationship with God.  Only God can heal out hearts and only God can help us really forgive.  We might need the help of other believers at this stage, but we should begin here.

Second, we prayerfully consider how to deal with the abuse and hurt.  When, how, and where to confront/deal with the past abuse is tricky.  It takes discernment and wisdom to know what to do.  This is why I think the first step is so important!

Yet, one thing is true.  Somehow we must not allow the abuser to continue in their sin.  

Wow this is tough!  Particularly if you are in a close relationship with the abusive/hurtful person.  Yet, the reason why we cannot just forgive and forget is because doing so allows for continued abuse.  Allowing someone to continue to harm others is actually encouraging their sin.  This is the opposite of love.

Again, I think we will need godly and good advisors on how to do this.  Do we confront?  Do we remove ourselves from the abuse?  Do we confront, remove ourselves, and then move on?  So many options require wisdom.  

Have I mentioned the importance of the first step of being in relationship with God?  Honestly, without the wisdom of God, I don't know how anyone can really love.

Another post without any answers!  At least I think it is a good question to ponder and process.  What do you think?

Discipleship, Counseling, and the Pastoral Calling

In our hyper therapeutic milieu, people want professionals to do something to them to make them feel better.  Living through life, meeting the demands of following Jesus, living under the lordship of of holy God doesn't appeal to the general public these days.  The majority of Americans will tell any pollster that they believe in the Ten Commandments.  But only a small percentage of those people could even recite the Ten Commandments, and even a smaller percentage have any genuine interest in following them.

For me, trying to be a counselor is a shortcut.  It is pandering to my people's desires to have me do something to them rather than admonish them to live through the thick forest of their lives by following Christ in discipleship.

Since I do discipleship instead of counseling, I find I have a fair amount of free time on my hands, time I can spend praying.

David Hansen, The Art of Pastoring: Ministry without all the Answers, 72.

As a Christian leader, I am called to come alongside people to help them grow back toward an intimate and perfect relationship with God.  The closer I can get them to this place, the better a job I have done.  Of course, I cannot do any of it without the grace and mercy of the Lord!  Yet, I am called to be a herald that points people to a life of repentance and faith in Jesus.

That being said, I agree with Hansen that when I engage in "counseling" I am selling my life, calling, and job short.

Why?

I think it has to do with more with false expectations than there being something wrong with professional counseling.  My purpose is not to put down professional counseling.  I know and believe that professional counseling has an important place in the Kingdom.  Professional counselors help folks identify and break the stranglehold of the past.

The human mind and heart is like a finely tuned instrument.  At times and in certain people, the tuning has been damaged by others or by something dramatic in the past.  This damage works out in ungodly thoughts, actions, habits, and personalities.  It can also cause very real physical damage to the pathways of the brain.  Thus, there are valid counseling techniques and procedures that can help identity and sometimes fix the mistuned instrument.  I am thankful for folks trained in these specialties.

Yet, I must admit that I am not a professional counselor.   I am not called nor qualified to engage in such a ministry.  As a pastor, when I sense someone needs professional help beyond may calling in the gospel, I refer them immediately.

So, why do I think counseling is deadly to the pastoral office and calling?  I believe much of the problem is cultural.  In the West, we want to be fixed.  Some folks are too cheap to go to a professional counselor, so they figure they will hit up the pastor because pastors are free.

For many pastors, being needed in this way makes them feel important.  It becomes their identity.  It is the stamp of approval for ministry.  I believe such thinking is wrongheaded.

Please understand it is not because our message lacks power!  The great irony is that pastors have much to offer folks.  We have the truth found in the gospel, and we have the Holy Spirit who can transform hearts and minds.  Yet, when folks come to be fixed by pastoral counseling, they often want a tip, technique, or advice instead of the repentance and faith found in the gospel.  

In other words, Hansen is completely right that in our hyper therapeutic setting, most people want to feel better, and they want me/pastors to do it to them (perhaps magically?), instead of wanting intimacy with God that comes from honest repentance and faith.

What is my task?

I am called to remind folks that they are not God.  There is only one God in the universe and He should receive the glory in our lives, in the Church, and in the world.

What does this mean?

God's purpose is not our direct and immediate happiness.  God's purpose is that we might come to know Him and enjoy Him forever.  Much of the time, particularly in immature believers, a person's direct happiness and the will of God are not the same.  Our greatest need runs so contrary to what we think will bring happiness.  It feels like death when we confess and declare our need to repent of telling God, "My will be done."  While true life is found in the pathway of discipleship that declares to self and God "Thy will be done," it is often not something that brings an immature believer immediate "happiness."

The great irony is that the path of true discipleship does bring deep-seated joy and  transformation.  It is the key to authentic living!  Yet, few really want to hear it.  Why?  True discipleship also confesses there will be- no there must be- pain and difficulty in our life in this fallen world.  Honestly, who wants to hear such talk?

As a pastor or ministry leader, when I become more concerned with making someone happy than in encouraging them to grow in repentance and faith, I am selling out my calling.  Much of what passes for pastoral counseling fails because the expectation of the relationship is one of "fixing" and "bring happiness" in the midst of distress.

I think most in the churches I have served know this about me.  Thus, those who want to walk with God are attracted while those who wish "happiness" leave me alone.  Unfortunately (or fortunately?), like Hansen states, this leaves me with much time to pray!

Peacemaking and Peacekeeping

"Peacemakers are people who breathe grace.  They draw continually on the goodness and power of Jesus Christ, and then they bring love, mercy, forgiveness, strength, and wisdom to the conflicts of daily life.  GOd delights to breathe his grace through peacemaker and use them to dissipate anger, improve understanding, promote justice, and encourage repentance and reconciliation."

Ken Sande, The Peacemaker, 11.

Recently at my church we had several discussion in different places about the differences between peacekeeping and peacemaking.  Having had a decade of thought formed by Ken Sande's book The Peacemaker I thought it would be obvious that God calls us to be peacemakers and not mere peacekeepers.  As is often the case, I was wrong!

Many people shared that peacemakers sounded aggressive.  They thought it was better to be a peacekeeper.  I do not know if folks were confusing peacemakers with a Colt 45 or what, but we had to tease it out a bit and ask, "Why do you thinking peacekeeping is better?"

Most answered that peacekeeping meant having patience with the faults of others.  It meant loving others even with their faults.  Given I live in Seattle, it helped promote the famous "Seattle Nice."  (On a side note, I shared that moving from New England Nasty, Seattle Nice was quite a change!)

One key thought was missing in these observations.  How do we promote the glory of God in all things?  Is it the loving thing to do to overlook sin and patterns of sin?  Sometimes yes.  Sometimes no. My guess is that if we never confront and deal with issues for the glory of God, we are not really loving people.  Instead we are protecting ourselves.

Anyway, I heartily recommend the book The Peacemaker.  The latest version does a better job, in my opinion, of emphasizing the importance of the gospel in being a true peacemaker.

The following is a plug for the book and for their website.  It is taken from www.peacemaker.net in hope that each of us become peacemakers for the glory of God.  Even if the thought sounds scary, read on and think about what it means to be a peacemaker.  

I think these ideas are very biblical and I believe that if they were lived out about 95% of personal and church conflict could be resolved.  What do you think?

Staying on Top of Conflict

Harmful conflict is usually triggered by unmet desires. "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it" (James 4:1-2). Even good desires can evolve into controlling demands or idols that can lead us to judge others and then avoid or punish them until we get what we want (see Luke 10:38-42). This progression often starts with minor differences, but before we know it we're sliding down a slippery slope of conflict that can drop off in two directions.

Escape Responses

People tend to use escape responses when they are more interested in avoiding unpleasant people or situations than in resolving differences.

Denial—One way to escape from a conflict is to pretend that a problem does not exist. Another way is to refuse to do what should be done to resolve a conflict properly. These responses bring only temporary relief and usually make matters worse (see 1 Sam. 2:22-25).

Flight—Another way to escape from a conflict is to run away. This may take the form of pulling away from a relationship, quitting a job, filing for divorce, or changing churches. Flight may be legitimate in extreme circumstances (see 1 Sam. 19:9-10), but in most cases it only postpones a proper solution to a problem.

Suicide—When people lose all hope of resolving a conflict, they may seek to escape from the situation (or make a desperate cry for help) by attempting to take their own lives (see 1 Sam 31:4). Suicide is never a right way to deal with conflict.

Attack Responses

People tend to use attack responses when they are more interested in controlling others and getting their way than in preserving a relationship.
Assault—Some people try to overcome an opponent by using various forms of force or intimidation, such as verbal attacks (including gossip and slander), physical violence, or efforts to damage a person financially or professionally (see Acts 6:8-15). Such conduct always makes conflict worse.
Litigation—Although some conflicts may legitimately be taken before a civil judge (see Acts 24:1-26:32; Rom. 13:1-5), lawsuits usually damage relationships, diminish our Christian witness, and often fail to achieve complete justice. This is why Christians are commanded to make every effort to settle their differences within the church rather than the civil courts (see Matt. 5:25-26; 1 Cor. 6:1-8).
Murder—In extreme cases, people may be so desperate to win a dispute that they will try to kill those who oppose them (see Acts 7:54-58). While most people would not actually kill someone, we still stand guilty of murder in God's eyes when we harbor anger or contempt in our hearts toward others (see 1 John 3:15; Matt. 5:21-22).

The Gospel—The Key to Peace

The key to changing the way we deal with conflict is the gospel—the good news that God made peace with us and between us by sending his Son to die for our sins and give us new life through his resurrection (Col. 1:19-20; Eph. 2:14-16). When we believe in Jesus, we receive forgiveness and are united with Christ and one another (Acts 10:43; Phil. 2:1-2). God then begins to transform us into the likeness of his Son, enabling us to break free from sinful escaping and attacking habits and mature into peacemakers who reflect the glory of God's reconciling love in the midst of conflict (2 Cor. 3:17-18; Col. 3:12-15).

Peacemaking Responses

Peacemakers are people who breathe grace. Inspired by the gospel, they draw continually on the goodness and power of Jesus Christ, and then breathe out his love, mercy, forgiveness, and wisdom to dissipate anger, improve understanding, promote justice, and model repentance and reconciliation.

The six responses found on the top portion of the slippery slope may be divided into two categories: personal peacemaking responses and assisted peacemaking responses:
PERSONAL PEACEMAKING
There are three biblical ways to resolve conflicts personally and privately, just between you and the other party.
Overlook an Offense—Many disputes are so insignificant that they should be resolved by quietly overlooking an offense. "A man's wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense" (Prov. 19:11). Overlooking an offense is a form of forgiveness, and involves a deliberate decision not to talk about it, dwell on it, or let it grow into pent-up bitterness or anger.
Reconciliation—If an offense is too serious to overlook or has damaged our relationship, we need to resolve personal or relational issues through confession, loving correction, and forgiveness. "[If] your brother has something against you ... go and be reconciled"(Matt. 5:23-24). "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently" (Gal. 6:1; see Matt. 18:15). "Forgive as the Lord forgave you" (Col. 3:13).
Negotiation—Even if we successfully resolve relational issues, we may still need to work through material issues related to money, property, or other rights. This should be done through a cooperative bargaining process in which you and the other person seek to reach a settlement that satisfies the legitimate needs of each side. "Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others" (Phil. 2:4).
ASSISTED PEACEMAKING
When a dispute cannot be resolved personally, God calls us to seek assistance from other believers.

Mediation—If two people cannot reach an agreement in private, they should ask one or more objective outside people to meet with them to help them communicate more effectively and explore possible solutions. "If he will not listen [to you], take one or two others along" (Matt. 18:16). These mediators may ask questions and give advice, but the parties retain the responsibility of making the final decision on how to resolve their differences.

Arbitration—When you and an opponent cannot come to a voluntary agreement on a material issue, you may appoint one or more arbitrators to listen to your arguments and render a binding decision to settle the issue. "If you have disputes about such matters, appoint as judges even men of little account in the church" (1 Cor. 6:4).
Accountability—If a person who professes to be a Christian wanders from the Lord by refusing to be reconciled and do what is right, Jesus commands church leaders to lovingly intervene to hold him or her accountable to Scripture and to promote repentance, justice, and forgiveness: "If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not ... go to look for the one that wandered off? ... If he refuses to listen ..., tell it to the church" (Matt. 18:12,17).

Transference in Ministry and Life

This morning I have several appointments that will keep me engaged all morning.  I know myself that by the time I get time to write I will not have the brain power to do so.  One of the great problems with being a morning person!

This is a post from June I believe concerning a great ministry danger.  In my pastoral ministry, and even as a professor, I have seen this psychological state several time.  Each time it scared me.  Why?  Because it is so unhealthy for all involved.  I know most pastors or those in ministry who make it 20 years have seen this happen multiple times.  Yet, so few in the pew seem aware this condition exists.  

What am I talking about?  The problem of transference.  In our fallen world, people often latch on to an authority figure and transfer their feeling about another relationship onto the one in authority.  Such transference is not conscience.  Yet, it is all too real.  Let me explain it by quoting at length a section of David Hansen's The Art of Pastoring.

I'm gun-shy of people who like me too much.  I like compliments, but when someone starts treating me like I'm the best thing since indoor plumbing, I step back.

They get this look in their eyes when they say thank you.  It isn't adult gratitude or childlike delight.  It isn't a fair exchange of human love.  They're thanking me, but their eyes are focused past me.  They're thanking someone or something else.  Maybe an ideal I've resurrected.  It's unreal.

The relationship can appear normal.  Then, without warning, it shifts.  Their talk gets contradictory.  They thank Jesus but give me the credit.  Their speech is thick with spiritual lingo, but they treat me like I'm their savior.  I don't think they're talking about me or Jesus.  They're talking to someone or something I symbolize to them.  Psychologists call this transference.

Psychotherapists recognize that their relationship with patients run on a "double track."  "All feelings in relationships as we know understand them run on a double track.  We react and relate to another person not only on the basis of our conscious experience of the person in reality, but also on the basis of our unconscious experience of him in reference to experience with significant people in infancy and childhood- especially parents and other family members.  We tend to displace feelings and attitudes from these past figures onto people in the present, especially if the person in the present has features similar to the person in the past."

Pastors like therapists, evoke feelings in people that go way back into people's pasts.  "Feelings toward the therapist therefore stem not only from the real, factual aspects of the therapist-patient interaction, but also from feelings displaced onto the therapist from unconscious representations of people important to the patient early in his childhood experiences.  These displaced or transferred feelings tend to distort the therapist, making him appear to be an important figure in the patient's past; they create in one sense an illusion." ...

It is of no little consequence that in some traditions pastors are called "Father."  We are authority figures with love, so like it or not, we symbolize parents to people.  For adults who have had positive relationships with their parents, this creates little problem.  They have respect and love for their parents.  Likewise, they have a natural respect and love for pastors.

But in cases where the relationship with the parent was deeply faulted, people develop something like an ideal parental construct and transfer this to anyone like a parent- and especially someone who gives them love as their parent should have in the first place.  Parishioners can superimpose this ideal parental figure over the pastor; they "fall in love"- not with the pastor, but with the pastor as the incarnation of their ideal parental figure.  Then they shift the monumentally important childhood desire to please their parent, which was never satisfied by their natural parents, onto the pastor.

The compliments come fast and thick, and they express a strong and unreasonable desire to "help out any way they can."  They try to work harder than anyone else- and make sure the pastor knows it- to earn the pastor's love.  They want the pastor to appreciate them more than all others.

Parishioners caught in this unconscious process may undergo "conversion" experiences.  They may experience romantic changes and testify that they have been touched by God (never forgetting to add that it was through the pastor's ministry).  In psychotherapy this is called a "transference cure."  They do experience dramatic change, but it is motivated by the desire to please the pastor.  The results of these "conversions" diminish with time, especially once the period of intense positive feelings toward the pastor wanes.

And those feelings do disappear.  Alongside the deep reservoir of childhood desire to please the parents there exists a deep reservoir of anger at parents for all the hurt they caused.  This anger has no fixed object.  It is anger at parents, but children are not psychologically able to be angry at their parents for long.  Children cannot divorce themselves from the parental love they desperately need by showing or even admitting that they are angry.  But they can cut loose on someone who represents their parent.

Things can do along for quite a while, even years.  These people are accustomed to forgiving parental figures, so pastors can fail them now and then and they will forgive.  In fact, they will vehemently defend their pastor to others, even when the pastor is dead wrong.

Until something snaps.  There is no way to predict what will set it off, but suddenly, without warning, the pastor violates some code.  The pastor must pay.  These people's anger at their parents is unleashed on the pastor.

The pastor still symbolizes the parent, but now the parent being symbolized has shifted.  The pastor is no longer the ideal parental figure the parishioner loves.  The pastor is now the failed parent the parishioner hates.  Without warning, the pastor who yesterday represented all that was right in the world today represents all that is wrong in the world.  From Jesus to the devil in one hour.

Hansen, The Art of Pastoring, 124-127.

I told you it was a long quotation!  I think it is also an important point: in a fallen world, all is not as it appears or should be.  Even the most basic of relationship can become twisted and contorted.  We must be aware of this potential or we run the risk of ramming our life and ministry upon the shoals of brokenness and being ruined in the process!

Because of transference, most pastors, particularly ones who survive in ministry, are rather guarded about people who like them too much.  How do we judge "too much?"  There is no easy answer.  It is a weird feeling that something is wrong.  Often after being burned by the switch turning to "counter-transference" the pastor or leader is a bit gun-shy of people bringing too much praise.  Through time and experience, one begins to recognize that "look in the eye" of a broken person.

If you have been in ministry and you have been hurt by this process, please realize it was caused by brokenness and it is not all your fault!  I know the first time I experienced transference, I thought it was great.  I had made a friend and someone who truly appreciated by effort!  Then, when I experienced that "something snapped" moment, I wondered what I did wrong.  I really beat myself up over it!  You might react the same way.

If you do experience transference, I strongly recommend that you find an experienced pastor or leader to talk it over with.  It is likely they will share similar experiences.  Most importantly, learn from it!  A wise leader does everything possible to avoid the same mistakes.  Love but do not be anyone's savior.  Only Jesus can fulfill that job!

So, what do you think?  Do you struggle in your relationship with "authority figures" because you engage in transference?  Ask the Lord to give you some wisdom with this.  Find someone to talk to if this is your tendency because relationship wreckage will mark your life if you do not!

Transference is real.  It is a consequence of living and ministering in a broken world.  May the Lord give wisdom and grace to live through it, grow past it, and see true healing for those suffering with its consequences.

Pastor as Physician of the Soul

"There is such a thing as spiritual depression.  Relationships or a marriage can collapse.  Children can disappoint you.  The business can go bankrupt.  Grief or trauma produce states of mind and emotion that call for spiritual counsel.  Because we're to live to the glory of God, all our moods have to be brought into relation to God, his love, his work, and the ongoing process of sanctification.

The sanctifying of troubles is a prominent NT theme.  Troubles are to be expected, but God can sanctify them.  The pastor, in the Puritan understanding is there to be God's agent, God's lightning rod, the transforming link between the distress of the Christian and the love and power of God."

J.I. Packer, quoted in "Broader Pastures, More Breeds," Leadership (Fall 2000), 34.

One of the roles of a pastor is to be a physician of the soul.

This idea comes from the Puritan tradition.  It was a hallmark of their understanding of the role of a pastor.  I also believe that this idea, though not the term "physician of the soul" can be found as a dominate theme describing the role of pastors in the early church.

Why?

Our greatest need is spiritual.  Our greatest problem is at its heart a spiritual problem.  We are people composed of a delicate interaction between body, mind, and heart (or spirit).  Each of these elements of human experience play a part in our overall health.

In the earliest church, perhaps the greatest threat to Christianity was a movement called gnosticism.  Gnosticism emphasized the spiritual element of an individual.  It denied the importance of the physical and it believed that the mental and spiritual were almost one and the same.  In the ancient near eastern and Greco-Roman culture. these ideas struck a chord and in many places the gnostic church arose to combat the orthodox church.

Some of the late writings of the NT illustrate the nature and problems with such teaching.  For example, 1 John was written to address the claims of gnosticism.  It presents a vision of a person as a united whole of body, mind, and soul.  It emphasizes that each element is important, that each element needs to be sanctified by repentance and faith, and that each play a role in how we understand and worship God in Christ.

Today we are not gnostics.  We do not emphasize the spiritual and de-emphasize the flesh.  No, we are materialists.  We magnify, emphasize, stress, and worship the physical while ignoring the spiritual.

We do so to our own peril!

Why do our bodies decay?  Why is there illness and death?  While the cause is often not direct, all of these deviations from the created goodness and perfection of creation arise from a spiritual problem.  Sin has entered the world and now things are not as they should be.  Thankful Jesus is coming back to make things aright again!  Come quickly Lord Jesus.

Furthermore, why do some people have such crazy and dumb ideas?  Why are some entire people groups led astray to patently false ideas?  Even as I write, some people will say, "Who are you to judge the ideas of others?  Each of us get to determine what is good and proper for ourselves."  This is exactly the type of thinking I am calling crazy!  Even if it matches the dominate thought of today!

As individuals and as people groups, we can be lead astray in our thinking.  We can be caught up in false ideas about right and wrong, about power, about truth because of our fallenness.  In other words, Nazi Germany did not occur because of one evil man or a small group of evil folks.  It occurred because in our fallen world, our thoughts can get twisted and warped.  All that is needed is for people who know the truth to be silent or to be forced to silence.  Within a generation, evil can dominate!

Why?  

At its heart, all evil found in the world comes from the spiritual problem of the fallenness of creation.  We cannot ultimately fix the physical problems of this world nor can we fix the evil thought patterns if we do not understand and deal with our spiritual need.

Deep in the center of all our cultural issues are spiritual problems!

Into this great and ignored need should step the pastor.  Our job is to remind people of their spiritual need.  Our job is to encourage people that in Christ God has brought the cure to all of our spiritual needs!

We are not called to be merely therapists who deal with the physical.  We are not called to be merely self help advocates who encourage people to be all they can be.  We are not caretakers of institutions.  We are physicians of the soul who point constantly to Jesus as found in the gospel as the answer to our greatest need.

The tools that we use may be honed by experts in the physical or mental realms, but ultimately our tool box must be filled with ideas and answers that inform the spiritual.  If we do not do it, who in our culture will bring the truth to bear on our spiritual needs?

The answer is no one.  False answers and false gods will be brought to bear on our spiritual needs.  People and cultures will go from lost and struggling to blind and completely evil.

We need more pastors and more believers to understand the often forgotten pastoral role as a "physician of the soul."  The exploding individual and cultural needs demand a return to this difficult but important work!

Professional Counseling and Discipleship

In our hyper therapeutic milieu, people want professionals to do something to them to make them feel better.  Living through life, meeting the demands of following Jesus, living under the lordship of of holy God doesn't appeal to the general public these days.  The majority of Americans will tell any pollster that they believe in the Ten Commandments.  But only a small percentage of those people could even recite the Ten Commandments, and even a smaller percentage have any genuine interest in following them.

For me, trying to be a counselor is a shortcut.  It is pandering to my people's desires to have me do something to them rather than admonish them to live through the thick forest of their lives by following Christ in discipleship.

Since I do discipleship instead of counseling, I find I have a fair amount of free time on my hands, time I can spend praying.

David Hansen, The Art of Pastoring: Ministry without all the Answers, 72.

As a Christian leader, I am called to come alongside people to help them grow back toward an intimate and perfect relationship with God.  The closer I can get them to this place, the better a job I have done.  Of course, I cannot do any of it without the grace and mercy of the Lord!  Yet, I am called to be a herald that points people to a life of repentance and faith in Jesus.

That being said, I agree with Hansen that when I engage in "counseling" I am selling my life, calling, and job short.

Why?  I think it has to do with expectations more than there being something wrong with professional counseling.  My purpose is not to put down professional counseling.  I know and believe that professional counseling has an important place in the Kingdom.  Professional counselors help folks identify and break the stranglehold of the past.

The human mind and heart is like a finely tuned instrument.  At times and in certain people, the tuning has been damaged by others or the past.  This damage works out in ungodly thoughts, actions, habits, and personalities.  It can also cause very real physical damage to the pathways of the brain.  Thus, there are valid counseling techniques and procedures that can help identity and sometimes fix the mistuned instrument.  I am thankful for folks trained in these specialties.

Yet, I must admit that I am not a professional counselor.   I am not called nor qualified to engage in such a ministry.  As a pastor, when I sense someone needs professional help beyond may calling in the gospel, I refer them immediately.

So, why do I think counseling is deadly to the pastoral office and calling?  I believe much of the problem is cultural.  In the West, we want to be fixed.  Some folks are too cheap to go to a professional counselor, so they figure they will hit up the pastor because pastors are free.

For many pastors, being needed in this way makes them feel important.  It becomes their identity.  It is the stamp of approval for ministry.  I believe such thinking is wrongheaded.

Please understand it is not because our message lacks power!  The great irony is that pastors have much to offer folks.  We have the truth found in the gospel, and we have the Holy Spirit who can transform hearts and minds.  Yet, when folks come to be fixed by pastoral counseling, they often want a tip, technique, or advice instead of the repentance and faith found in the gospel.  

In other words, Hansen is completely right that in our hyper therapeutic setting, most people want to feel better, and they want me/pastors to do it to them (perhaps magically?), instead of wanting intimacy with God that comes from honest repentance and faith.

What is my task?  I am to remind folks that they are not God.  There is only one God in the universe and He should receive the glory in our lives, in the Church, and in the world.

What does this mean?  God's purpose is not our direct and immediate happiness.  God's purpose is that we might come to know Him and enjoy Him forever.  Much of the time, particularly in immature believers, a person's direct happiness and the will of God are not the same.  Our greatest need runs so contrary to what we think will bring happiness.  It feels like death when we confess and declare our need to repent of telling God, "My will be done."  While true life is found in the pathway of discipleship that declares to self and God "Thy will be done," it is often not something that brings an immature believer immediate "happiness."

The great irony is that the path of true discipleship does bring deep-seated joy and  transformation.  It is the key to authentic living!  Yet, few really want to hear it.  Why?  True discipleship also confesses there will be- no there must be- pain and difficulty in our life in this fallen world.  Honestly, who wants to hear such talk?

As a pastor or ministry leader, when I become more concerned with making someone happy than in encouraging them to grow in repentance and faith, I am selling out my calling.  Much of what passes for pastoral counseling fails because the expectation of the relationship is one of "fixing" and "bring happiness" in the midst of distress.

I think most in the churches I have served know this about me.  Thus, those who want to walk with God are attracted while those who wish "happiness" leave me alone.  Unfortunately (or fortunately?), like Hansen states, this leaves me with much time to pray!

Counseling as a Ministry Danger

In our hyper therapeutic milieu, people want professionals to do something to them to make them feel better.  Living through life, meeting the demands of following Jesus, living under the lordship of of holy God doesn't appeal to the general public these days.  The majority of Americans will tell any pollster that they believe in the Ten Commandments.  But only a small percentage of those people could even recite the Ten Commandments, and even a smaller percentage have any genuine interest in following them.

For me, trying to be a counselor is a shortcut.  It is pandering to my people's desires to have me do something to them rather than admonish them to live through the thick forest of their lives by following Christ in discipleship.

Since I do discipleship instead of counseling, I find I have a fair amount of free time on my hands, time I can spend praying.

David Hansen, The Art of Pastoring: Ministry without all the Answers, 72.

On vacation I had the time and space to slowly and reflectively read through Hansen's fine first book.  While I did not agree with everything he said, after almost 20 years of ministry (anniversary coming in September.  Wow!), I agree with most of it.  Again, I recommend this book for anyone interested in understanding authentic gospel-centered ministry!

As a Christian leader, I am called to come alongside people to help them grow back toward an intimate and perfect relationship with God.  The closer I can get them to this place, the better a job I have done.  Of course, I cannot do any of it without the grace and mercy of the Lord!  Yet, I am called to be a herald that points people to a life of repentance and faith in Jesus.

That being said, I agree with Hansen that when I engage in "counseling" I am selling my life, calling, and job short.

Why?  I think it has to do with expectations more than there being something wrong with professional counseling!  My purpose is not to put down professional counseling.  I know and believe that professional counseling has an important place in the Kingdom.  Professional counselors help folks identify and break the stranglehold of the past.

The human mind and heart is like a finely tuned instrument.  At times and in certain people, the tuning has been damaged by others or the past.  This damage works out in ungodly thoughts, actions, habits, and personalities.  It can also cause very real physical damage to the pathways of the brain.  Thus, there are valid counseling techniques and procedures that can help identity and sometimes fix the mistuned instrument.  I am thankful for folks trained in these specialties!

Yet, I must admit that I am not a professional counselor.   I am not called nor qualified to engage in such a ministry.  As a pastor, when I sense someone needs professional help beyond may calling in the gospel, I refer them immediately.

So, why do I think counseling is deadly to the pastoral office and calling?  I believe much of the problem is cultural.  In the West, we want to be fixed.  Some folks are too cheap to go to a professional counselor, so they figure they will hit up the pastor because pastors are free!

For many pastors, being needed in this way makes them feel important.  It becomes their identity.  It is the stamp of approval for ministry.  I believe such thinking is wrongheaded.

Please understand it is not because our message lacks power!  The great irony is that pastors have much to offer folks.  We have the truth found in the gospel, and we have the Holy Spirit who can transform hearts and minds.  Yet, when folks come to be fixed by pastoral counseling, they often want a tip, technique, or advice instead of the repentance and faith found in the gospel.  

In other words, Hansen is completely right that in our hyper therapeutic setting, most people want to feel better, and they want me/pastors to do it to them (perhaps magically?), instead of wanting intimacy with God that comes from honest repentance and faith.

What is my task?  I am to remind folks that they are not God.  There is only one God in the universe and He should receive the glory in our lives, in the Church, and in the world.

What does this mean?  God's purpose is not our direct and immediate happiness.  God's purpose is that we might come to know Him and enjoy Him forever.  Much of the time, particularly in immature believers, a person's direct happiness and the will of God are not the same!  Repent of telling God, "My will be done."  Instead learn the path of discipleship which states, "Thy will be done."

The great irony is that the path of true discipleship does bring deep-seated joy and  transformation.  It is the key to authentic living!  Yet, few really want to hear it.  Why?  True discipleship also confesses there will be, no must be, pain and difficulty in life.  Honestly, who wants to hear such talk?

As a pastor or ministry leader, when I become more concerned with making someone happy than in encouraging them to grow in repentance and faith, I am selling out my calling.  Much of what passes for pastoral counseling fails because the expectation of the relationship is one of "fixing" and "bring happiness" in the midst of distress.

I think most in the churches I have served know this about me.  Thus, those who want to walk with God are attracted while those who wish "happiness" leave me alone.  Unfortunately (or fortunately?) in today's Church, this leaves me with much time to pray!