Remix: Stress, Friendship, and the Gospel

As I graduated from high school, one of my friends was asked the meaning of life.  His response, "To find out who and what are true friends."

This is a great observation.  We are made for companionship.  We are made to love and to be loved.  Yet, we live such lives of quiet isolation.

My guess is the C.S. Lewis was correct in his observation that hell will be marked by isolation and complete self-regard.

Today, I repost (with corrections) my second most popular post from 2014.  May the Lord use it in your life.

Be at rest once more, O my soul,

for the Lord has been good to you. 

Ps. 116: 7

I have been reading an interesting book on the consequences of stress on the human body.  In particular, the author was commenting on the relationship between bad stress, which raised various "flight or fight" hormones in the body, and heart disease.  He argued that feeling trapped in a job or a situation where you feel powerless leads to increased stress chemicals in the body, which eventually lead to heart disease, strokes, and other major problems (such as death).  

To me, all of this makes sense.  The question is how do we avoid such stress?

To begin, we should make some obvious life-style changes.  If you are in a job that makes you feel trapped and not respected, change.  Also, increase your exercise levels as this makes a major positive change in the body's response to stress.  He also recommended the drinking of wine with dinner, as moderate alcohol consumption has been shown to lower the stress chemicals in the body.  If you have listened to the news, all of these positive factors have been mentioned for quite some time even in popular media.  These are changes that we can and should make.

What I found interesting was his emphasis on developing good social networks and friends.  He observed several groups of people with what we would call horrible eating habits who have very low levels of heart disease.  He argued that these people have one thing in common: they are well integrated into a community where they have love, support, and fun.  

In the past thirty years, studies have shown that Americans increasingly are not integrated into authentic communities.  We isolate ourselves from others while retreating into time with only our families.  I believe we do so to our own harm.  The problem is that friendship and community take time to develop and nurture.  With all the kid's activities, work responsibilities, and general busyness of life, how do we find the time to develop and nurture friendships?

First, we have to admit and confess that we need real friends and community.  We need to ask God to help us find real friends and true community.  Most of us do everything we can to live in denial of our need for others.  We remain so busy, and we allow our children to be part of every activity under the sun so they are not deprived.  Even at church, we go and leave without really engaging people.  This is one great draw of the large church in that it facilitates the "feelings" of having many friends and fellow travelers without causing real engagement with others.  I believe it is also the draw of Facebook and other social networks that promote "connectedness" without really helping us connect.
We need real friends.

Second, we have to be intentional in searching for friendships and community.  We have to find people that we can "be ourselves" around.  Wow is this hard.  Where would we find such people?  How about in our church communities?

This presupposes that we will develop church communities that are not fake or shallow.  Places where it is O.K. to be known with all of our issues, needs, and strengths.  We will find people in these churches that we do not "click with," but we should continue to search until we find folks who will love us and relate to us where we are.  Again, ask God for wisdom in finding friends and companionship.

Third, we have to continue to develop and nurture friendships and community.  This takes commitment on our part and on our friends part.  Get together and laugh.  Enjoy time together not necessarily "doing stuff" but being.  I think this is becoming a lost art.  True friendship and community is found in spending time.  In today's age, time is our most precious commodity.  We horde it to our own detriment.

Spend time with friends and lower your chances of heart disease.  It lowers your chances of sudden death.  It also increases joy, freedom, and creativity.  

With that in mind, what can you do this week to nurture true friendships?