A Change in Personal Direction

This post is an explanation for my current church, Grace Bible Church.  I say current, because today I announced my planned resignation/retirement from Grace in the end of May to become the pastor at First Christian Reformed Church Seattle.  For some this news will be a shock.  To others it will not be a surprise.  For me, it is made with a very real sadness mixed with an intense excitement about the future for both Grace and my family.

The decision to leave Grace has not been made hastily.  In fact, just over a year ago, I began to feel what I would call as "Holy Discontent."  What I mean is that I felt like the Lord was about to do something and was trying to tell me something, but I did not know what it was!  I label Holy Discontent as an anxiousness and gut feeling that something is changing and the Lord is moving.  This change is from the Living God and not just wanderlust or any other human emotion.

I went into listening mode last fall.  I asked about three or four of my close ministry friends to pray for me and with me that I would know the cause of the Holy Discontent.  I talked with M.E. and asked her to pray.  During this time, I spent much time in the Word of God and in prayer seeking the Lord's face and His leading.

Then last winter, I began to get some clarity.  I came to know that the Lord was asking me to expand my influence in building the Kingdom of God.  He placed within me a strong desire to see this expansion of influence!  How?  Why?  Well for starters, the Lord led me through an interesting time of repentance.

When I came out of seminary, I was told by many that I would be and should be the pastor of large churches.  This sure sounded good to my ego!  I was also encouraged to teach since I had obvious academic and teaching skills.  I did not know which direction to turn, but I knew I wanted to do something big!  In the end, my Ph.D. studies allowed me the time to grow academically while putting off my call to the pastorate.

About eight to ten years ago, the Lord led me through a life-transforming encounter with His grace.  For the first time since I was a new believer, I came to see my sinfulness and my need for grace.  As I repented, the Lord showered that grace and mercy upon me!  During this time, He also clarified and propelled me to the pastorate instead of to an academic career.  But where should I go?

At this time, I was offered opportunities to church plant in places where the hope and goal would be to make a large church.  As I prayed about these opportunities, I felt like I did not have the character or experience to do this task.  I turned down the opportunities.  I repented of my fleshly desire to "do something big."

So what happened?  I turned from these opportunities to come to Grace Bible Church, a tucked away and small church in central Maine, with 21 members when I arrived.  We grew 18% the first day I arrived with my wife and then four children!

I loved this church and the people.  I still love them!  I became part of the community, and in the past seven years, we have seen steady growth.  Most of the people new to Grace were not churched folks.  Each year we have seen people profess faith.  I have grown as a person, a pastor, and as a man of God.

So what happened this past winter and spring?  The Lord convicted me of my sin again.  This time was the opposite of eight to ten years ago.  I know my sin tendencies and the inward curve of my flesh.  I have encountered many who are more than happy to celebrate roast pastor and roast man of God with their words and criticism.  I believed their lies.  I had come to think that the Lord could not use someone like me beyond where I was.

Our merciful Lord led me to repent of my lack of faith.  He encouraged me that He uses messed up people just like me!  In fact, He wanted to use me to build His Kingdom in deeper and fuller ways that I was currently engaged in.  He also revealed to me that He wanted me to move.  I could not believe it!  I was happy and content.  He promised to go with me.

At this time, I expanded out my prayer and advice network.  I probably spoke with between 30 and 50 people who knew me, knew the CRC, and understood the possible intersections between the two.  Universally, I was encouraged and prayed for.

At this time, I started the blog.  I started to write.  He opened up speaking engagements and worked mightily through my preaching and teaching.  For the past five years or so, I have had many unsolicited inquiries about my availability as a pastor.  I have respectfully turned them all down.  This summer, I had many inquiries.  The vast majority I turned down. The one I did not was First Church Seattle.

I remember agreeing to talk with them, even though I had no interest in moving across the country to Seattle.  M.E. asked why I agreed.  I can honestly say I had no idea!  I still do not know why I agreed after telling so many places I was not interested.

Our phone interview went well.  Very well, in fact!  They wanted to talk more.  I turned them down.  They called back and said they felt I was a great candidate for their church and its needs.  I confessed I had no feeling of calling to the Pacific Northwest.  I was trying to be gracious.  They responded a week later by saying that they strongly felt led by the Lord that I would be a great fit for their church.  Since I did not categorically say I would not consider it, they were recommending my name to the Council as a possible candidate.

I did not know how to respond.  Then I thought about the many conversations I had with CRC folks.  95% had encouraged me that it was easier to influence the CRC from outside of Michigan than from inside the heart of CRC land.  I spoke with several who knew my situation and the situation at First Church Seattle.  To a person, they encouraged me that this church was a good fit for my gifts and calling.  I agreed to be considered, though I put them off as long as possible.

In November, M.E. and I went to Seattle hoping to go, meet the folks, see the ministry, and then be able to tell them no.  As we were there, the Lord had other ideas.  M.E. loved the church, the Christian school, and the area.  She had a great time with the people.  I enjoyed every part of the experience, but I enjoy most things and most churches!  I was going to reserve judgment for later.  I will say that I had great conversations with people inside and outside the church.  I felt like I fit in.  People responded well to the gospel preached.

When we returned home, my older children both wanted to move to Seattle.  They felt like it would be a good fit for our family.  In the CRC, it is typical to put up two people for consideration.  Before the vote, I wrote in my journal that I would not consider the call unless I had 80-85% of the vote.  Almost the first thing I was told about the vote was that it was amazing that the first ballot went 80-85% to call me as their pastor.

All of this to say, today I announced a very tough decision.  From a purely business standpoint, this decision would be easy.  The problem is that I love and care about my friends and my church!  In the end, we followed where the Lord showed us to go.  I wanted all to have the context of why we made this decision.

We will be in Maine for the next five months helping Grace with the opening round of the transition, selling our many farm assets, and allowing our children to finish the school year.  While the Lord is calling us to serve in a different venue, it does not change our love for each one at Grace nor does it change our appreciation for our time in Maine!