Take the case of a sour old maid, who is a Christian, but cantankerous. On the other hand, take some pleasant and popular fellow, but who has never been to Church. Who knows how much more cantankerous the old maid might be if she were not a Christian, and how much more likable the nice fellow might be if he were a Christian? You can't judge Christianity simply by comparing the product in these two people; you would need to know what kind of raw material Christ was working on in both cases.
C.S. Lewis, God in the Dock.
This week I had the privilege of talking to a man who is either a new Christian or is someone who for the first time in his life has understood the implications of the gospel. He was sharing how God is changing him from an angry man into someone much more patient and kind. Yet, he was concerned because he "still had his moments." He also was worried because he so often did a good deed merely because of his concern for how it made him look.
After our time together, I was thinking of this quote from C.S. Lewis. I am glad I was able to find it! I think this man's concerns are natural questions. They should be questions all believers have and wrestle with often. Why? Each of us is such a messed up mix of redeemed "saint" and fallen, sinful child of Adam. How do we understand and balance these two competing tendencies?
Let me begin by looking at the life and actions of a typical believer like you or me. How do we understand our actions in light of the gospel? Is it not true that there are so many moving parts and factors that shape how each of us respond to any given circumstance.
I know I respond to difficulties in life and even the small inconveniences so differently when I am sick or really tired than when I am healthy and have had a good night's sleep. If someone sees me respond on a bad day they might see something different than my actions on a good day. Should I despair of this known fact? Should I deny it is true?
Furthermore, I became a believer at age 18. There were some really rough spots within my formed character when I became a believer. God was and is so merciful to me, but I am still surprised by the thoughts that flow out of my heart and often pass through my mouth. Why does the Lord not just zap me and change my heart so I think and say "darn" instead of "damn" when I do something wrong? I honestly do not think about such words and thoughts, they just come out.
How about you? In what areas do you struggle? How are you often surprised and humiliated by the evil that still dwells within?
Now let me give you the other side of God's story in my life. The man I spoke with shared that I "said exactly the right thing the first time we talked. If you said more or less, it might have ruined it." How did I do that? I also find that increasingly I just do the right thing without thinking about it. I show love and grace to people without having to think about what would be loving or gracious. Most importantly, I am a much better listener than I used to be even as I realize I still need so much improvement. I find that I am always looking for what God is doing in the hearts and lives of others.
I must confess that none of these occurrences are natural to me. I praise God that it is His work! Still, I am haunted by my shortcomings. I am humiliated by what often flows out of my heart.
Like the cantankerous, sour old maid, I am in need of grace! I must wonder, what would I be like if Christ did not bring me to Himself all those years ago? I know that the raw material God had to work with was greatly defaced and misshaped by sin and death before I even came to Jesus. Those tendencies remain even today! Yes I am still a sinner. If you catch me on a bad day, I am sure I do not look like a saint. In fact, if you are looking for hypocrisy and defining it as not always doing right, I am a hypocrite.
According to the definition of hypocrite as one who always does right, there is only one truly righteous person ever born, Jesus Christ. I am a mere fallen follower of this great man! I do not have it all together and I look to Him for grace and forgiveness daily.
So, if you catch me in some sin, I hope I will be willing to confess my sin and need for this grace. When I am disappointed and humiliated by my sinful heart, I look to Jesus as my only hope.
Let me assure you, such thoughts are not natural to me! My natural inclination is to deny my sin or to try to pass it off as less than what it is. My natural inclination is to maintain my reputation instead of confessing my need.
For those of us who are not Jesus, I would define hypocrisy differently than always doing right. I think true hypocrisy is not confessing and living the truth that I am a sinner in desperate need of grace. Hypocrisy is not merely doing wrong when I should know better. At times, all of us fail to do the good we know we should do! No, hypocrisy is knowing I have such wrong tendencies (what the bible calls sin) that flow out of my heart and yet I do not address or confess them.
Are you living in active repentance and dependent faith? Does confession and repentance come easy to you? Can you see where you need grace and do you ask God for grace to transform these areas?
If the answers to these three questions are all yes, I think God is doing a great work in your life. Cling to Christ and grow in grace! Always point yourself and others to Jesus.
If your answers are no to any of these three questions, you are most likely a self-deluded hypocrite (wow that sounds harsh! Please know I have lived much of my life in this state.). Repent and believe. Ask for grace to see your need. Cling to Jesus as your only hope.
Growth comes as we reorient our life around Jesus Christ. Such reorientation is a life-long process. It is hard work because it goes against our fallen natural tendencies. May each of us repent and believe in deeper ways this day and this week!
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