Without (emotional intelligence), a person can have first-class training,
an incisive mind, and an endless supply of good ideas,
but he still won't be effective.
an incisive mind, and an endless supply of good ideas,
but he still won't be effective.
Quoted in Covenant (Spring-Summer 2012), 24.
Without strong emotional intelligence, long-term ministry is impossible.
What is emotional intelligence?
It is the ability to process, understand, and balance our emotions with our actions. It is having proper emotional self-control that allows one to deal with people and situations without emotional outbursts. It is an understanding that people, including ourselves, often behave emotionally instead of rationally. Thus, it is the ability to step back from emotional responses to allow grace and truth to prevail.
Wow, this is tough to define. How to best define it? Perhaps a negative but common example is the best place to start.
In life and ministry I often run into people who display an almost negative emotional intelligence. These folks do not know how to manage their emotions, and they project the intensity of their emotional instability upon those in the Church, the Church staff, and ultimately God. Most of the time, the cause of their emotional upheaval has nothing to do with the situation in which they find themselves so angry. Yet, instead of dealing with their emotions concerning the real issue, they strike out at a "safe" target like those in the Church.
What is emotional intelligence?
It is the ability to process, understand, and balance our emotions with our actions. It is having proper emotional self-control that allows one to deal with people and situations without emotional outbursts. It is an understanding that people, including ourselves, often behave emotionally instead of rationally. Thus, it is the ability to step back from emotional responses to allow grace and truth to prevail.
Wow, this is tough to define. How to best define it? Perhaps a negative but common example is the best place to start.
In life and ministry I often run into people who display an almost negative emotional intelligence. These folks do not know how to manage their emotions, and they project the intensity of their emotional instability upon those in the Church, the Church staff, and ultimately God. Most of the time, the cause of their emotional upheaval has nothing to do with the situation in which they find themselves so angry. Yet, instead of dealing with their emotions concerning the real issue, they strike out at a "safe" target like those in the Church.
Why do folks do this? We live in a fallen world, and I bet that all of us have shown low emotional intelligence at times. I know when my dad died unexpectedly I found myself angry at even small inconveniences much of the time. I could not understand it. Ultimately I needed grace from others as well as the Lord to deal with my ailing and bruised heart! I also needed better friends and mature believers who could help me deal with my emotions by helping me identify my hurt and reminding me of the Lord's love. In my experience the Lord was much more faithful than my friends and fellow believers.
In ministry, we must learn how to manage our emotions. All the rest of the of keys to successful ministry are merely aids to help us keep our emotions in check. If our emotions flow from the heart, which I believe is most likely, then a heart transformed by God's grace and mercy will help keep the emotions in check. The gospel will also allow us to ask folks for forgiveness when we respond inappropriately to their attacks and our own emotional meltdowns.
Yet, I warn each of us, if you have too many emotional meltdowns as a ministry leader, you will quickly find yourself as a "former ministry leader!" If you have constant meltdowns, people will avoid you out of fear because they will not know how you will respond to criticism, helpful advice, or their needs. You cannot be effective in ministry if you are emotionally unstable.
Furthermore, if you do not know how to deal with the emotional upheaval and outbursts of others, you also will not last long in ministry. One of the biggest surprises of my life was learning that much of the time people do not respond logically to a situation. Instead, people respond emotionally.
What does this look like?
Are you proposing changes to the worship service? You can lay out all the reasons for making these changes. Yet, some people will respond with anger and hurt. The real key is to not be surprised! Acknowledge that these emotions are real and help people to process their emotions. Yet, they must process! While they process, we should affirm that love them, we will pray for them, and we should look for chances to help them grow in their emotional intelligence.
The best way to help these folks grow in emotional intelligence is not to allow their emotional outburst to stop the proposed changes! If you cave long-term to an emotional outburst, you encourage and promote low emotional intelligence.
Are you proposing changes to the worship service? You can lay out all the reasons for making these changes. Yet, some people will respond with anger and hurt. The real key is to not be surprised! Acknowledge that these emotions are real and help people to process their emotions. Yet, they must process! While they process, we should affirm that love them, we will pray for them, and we should look for chances to help them grow in their emotional intelligence.
The best way to help these folks grow in emotional intelligence is not to allow their emotional outburst to stop the proposed changes! If you cave long-term to an emotional outburst, you encourage and promote low emotional intelligence.
Furthermore, I say again, a ministry leader must be emotionally mature. You cannot change how others behave, but you can deal with your own emotions. Be above the fray with your emotions even as you are present dealing with the emotions of others. Is this not what Jesus did time and time again? Such maturity is also needed in His under-shepherds.
As a pastor known for helping turn churches around, here is where careful discernment is needed. If the leadership team always reacts emotionally and lacks emotional intelligence, it will take a miracle of biblical proportions to change the church culture. There will be no will to maturely deal with emotional outbursts and the "squeaking wheel will get all the grease." Do the best you can to identify a high emotional intelligence level on your leadership team. Most importantly, lead by being emotionally intelligent yourself!
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